My boyfriend still sees his ex

January 28, 2007 | Category: blog

Relationships from Psychology Today (good article me thinks):

My boyfriend is kind & trustworthy. But occasionally he goes to a movie or has a drink with a former lover turned friend, a woman he quit seeing to be with me.

He assures me they’re just friends and he would never do anything to hurt me, but it’s driving a wedge between us. I hate that he still sees her, especially since I never even speak to any of my former flames.

I don’t want to ask him to sever ties with a true friend, but I’m always a bit suspicious and cold toward him after I’ve known they’ve spent time together.

What should I do?

Just when you should be turning up the heat, you get cold. Too bad you make the assumption that everyone sees (or should see) the world as you do, & that because you don’t speak to former flames, therefore your boyfriend should not.

In fact, cutting yourself off from people in your past is not the healthiest approach; presumably you chose people of decent character.

You need to find a way to overcome your jealousy, because it could very well feel so restrictive to your boyfriend that he eventually chooses freedom over coping with your insecurity. Or it could drive him to conduct his outside social life in secrecy, which would really stoke jealousy, mistrust, and resentment.

His friendship does not seem unreasonable, so examine yourself to understand why it threatens you so much. Jealousy commonly stems from a weak sense of self.

In the meantime, some demonstration of affection from your boyfriend after he sees his former flame would help, wouldn’t it?

Instead of making his ex-girlfriend the issue, ask him quite explicitly for what you need, but ask only once. Choose a quiet time and a nonconfrontational approach.

Tell him kindly that you don’t want to interfere with his friendship but a little extra TLC at those times would make you feel special.

One Comments

  1. Draco on January 29th, 2007
    1

    This article will save alot of relationships!!

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